The noise was deafening, but slowly fading. What could it be?
Running, I am sprinting away: away from the terrible, agitated beast. Down the narrow alleyways, down the roads as destroyed as a wasteland. I have been running for eight long years from this monster: it always seems to find me sooner or later.
There is nothing left of my town now: houses destroyed, everyone dead. A deafening, screeching noise is coming from where the mayor's house was: is he still alive?
The noise is deafening, but slowly fading: what could it be?
By Holly.
Wow - fantastic stuff, especially your use of our special sentences. I also like the way you've opened and closed with a question: this acts as a great hook to grab the attention of your readers.
ReplyDeleteMr K :-)
Hello Hollie,
ReplyDeleteYour use of a question at the beginning is a good idea. It invites the reader to speculate on what might be causing the noise before they read to find out. Well done. :)
You have made good use of a simile in your story when your wrote, "as destroyed as a wasteland." Similes can add to the description of the scene you're describing.
There was one problem with your story... I am wondering what caused the noise. Was it the monster or something chasing the monster? Leaving the reader with unanswered questions is a good technique, especially if you intend writing a sequel. :)
I hope you keep entering the 100WC.
Ross Mannell (Team 100WC)
Teacher (retired), N.S.W., Australia
Wow, Holly .. your story is amazing, I don't see anything wrong with your story, keep on writing like this!
ReplyDelete